neverboreyouraudience: (Default)
So, I've been trying to do some self-help for my anxiety. But so many of these sites I found list advice like.. "identify your irrational fear thought and replace it with a positive, rational and realistic thought" ... Okay problem: my anxiety is more of an emotion than a thought.  I almost never have an "irrational thought" to create my anxiety.  I am a visual and impressionistic thinker, and often my thought process doesn't involve much in the way of self-constructive conversation to begin with unless I am trying to communicate to someone else.  Maybe that's why my spoken words are so important to me, to convey exactly what I want to say in as precise of words as possible.  I've had people tell me to just say what I feel and not worry about being misunderstood.. but I get misunderstood every time I do that because I don't feel in words... It takes a separate level of thought for me to put my feelings to words and that makes self-help for anxiety very difficult.

Lately I've even been avoiding people online.  People I usually enjoy talking to, because I've found myself feeling like a total bother to them or like I might say the wrong thing .. There are two people I've un-blocked from my IM service because for some reason I feel safe.  One I know exactly why .. I've known her for 15 years and she knows me, and she understands about anxiety.  The other?  Well I just feel like she gets it. I've known her a few years but only really gotten to know her beyond that same mutual friend I previously mentioned in the past six months or so, but she's pretty awesome and we get along well.

And then there's people I've known anywhere from almost a year but one of my favorite RP partners, to people I've known almost as long as the first person I mentioned.. who I usually get along great with, but for whatever reason I may or may not feel secure that they'll understand me where I'm at right now.

And so I hide.

B12 huh? Well.. I have some supplements for that here .. let's see what happens.

I want my bloody topamax back.
 


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