neverboreyouraudience: (Default)
Anxiety is eating me again, and I'm not sure why.  The hardest part is not being able to identify a thought to retrain, because I'm pretty sure if I could, I would be able to stop it and carry on without trouble.  I'm not the type to be easily defeated or give up.  But this general feeling of depression, nameless fear and an inability to reach out or fix it is nearly paralyzing on every level.  Physically, emotionally.  I can't think clearly.  I can barely get anything done because I find myself just ... frozen.  I find writing here helps a bit and so I'm trying to do that more.  With relative anonymity I don't much care if anyone ever reads this or not.  This site seems smaller than say livejournal or insanejournal, and the former is too big and too altered from its original self and the latter is mostly a hub for roleplayers.  Which is fine, I love to roleplay.. but lately I've been backburnering everything except like .. tumblr and maybe 3 people on AOL, yet I get the distinct feeling one of them is backburnering me.  And I guess that kind of bothers me too, but I don't want to taint this up too much with talk of that.

I'm trying to get some cleaning done and deal with a situation here that I don't really want to go into.  It's just so hard with this anxiety.  I am doing everything I can for myself.  Lemongrass tea, B-12, breathing exercises, cognitive retraining (as best I can with no definitive fear thought), trying to keep focused and productive despite the overwhelming feelings.
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neverboreyouraudience: (Default)
neverboreyouraudience

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